Ugh!

I am so overwhelmed with frustration and stress its crazy. I'm running out of ways to fake the front like things are fine. I don't know what to do, what to think anymore, or which way to turn. I feel so alone and disappointed in myself. I see the light in the distant but it continues to be overshadowed by numerous things. I need to find an outlet really quick. I sometimes don't know who to trust, what's real or what's not. I'm sad all the time and drinking more & more. I've drank so much I'm becoming immune to the liquor. Man I don't know anymore like seriously I'm going I'm two steps away from a nervous break down. I'm very tired and really looking forward to branching away & doing my own thing. If I don't believe in myself....who will????

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY MENTAL IS CONSTIPATED :-(

I am so frustrated I have no damn clue where to start. My brain is constantly thinking and switching thoughts that MY MENTAL IS CONSTIPATED. Sometimes I feel so full of anger I could burst. I am so thankful that I created this blog a while ago, it has become a outlet for me. I went to church today, and the pastor preached about being "HIGH WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT". I felt that until I came home. I swear this house is filled with nothing but the devil himself and he is out to get it me. I will not let him succeed though for if I do then I will never reach a new height of glory with the lord.

I know fully committing to the lord will be a journey and I am taking it one step at a time with or without the support of my family because I know that no one can help YOU walk with the lord. It is something you "YOURSELF" have to be mentally stable for and ready to do. I have realized on this journey towards the "WALK OF FAITH" I have all the support I need. I have my fellow church member's and most importantly my Friends who are there for me who see the changes that they need to make within themselves, as I see the changes I need to make in me.

I am trying really hard to let this anger in me go but it will be hard very very hard. I have developed this and been become this way for as long as i can remember. I HAVE A LOT TO WORK ON but Ye who have little faith shall never prosper and I AM READY and committed. I will use tonight as my stepping stone and look at it as a Minor set back but the judging and mockery and smart remarks about ANY AND EVERYTHING I DO I AM LEARNING TO OVERCOME !!  MATTHEW 7:12 & LUKE 6:31

Until my next random free writing.......

ZIPP IT!

August 2011

What is NEW?????? Hmmmmmmmm well let me think for a second......EVERYTHING!!! I have made it through another year of life. I am very very thankful for that, so praise the lord for the moment!!!! I have not posted a blog in idk how long, but I can say although we do stray away we ALWAYS find our way back. I do not have any topic in mind right at the moment to post about, I'm just free writing. It actually is relaxing and gives you a clear head. I'm just ranting on about whatever comes to mind. I'm looking forward to some trendy topic ideas to voice my opinion about but i haven't come across any lately so for now I'll just continue to post my thoughts stay optimistic and keep pushing forward.

I have a lot of ideas and goals I'm very focused on as this year concludes and the new one begins. I am destined to be great filled with glory and staying optimistic while accomplishing it all. Well just wanted to clear my mind for the moment. I guess I'll go put the frosting on the chocolate cake i baked and call it a night. Ill be posting soon until then bloggers..................




ZIP IT!!!!!!

For anyone who lost a lost a love one

I miss this man that I barely know. I miss everything about him form head to toe. Through my ups and downs, rights and wrongs although I don’t know you I still cry because you’re gone. I never got the chance to use the word DAD, and it makes me really really sad because you’re the only one I had. I love you so much and I miss you a lot there will never be another man who can fill your spot.


I wish I could go back and you would be there. Through the thick and thin you would say “DADDY IS HERE”. No more dad, no granddad, no uncle, no more brother. You left a lot of people behind stressed and filled with wonder. The birth of my child, graduation and even some college. You were not there when I needed advice, guidance and knowledge.

I turned out alright I'm learning to manage but I struggle hard without you in my memories damn it. CHARLES LEWIS BAKER you will always be missed but living life without you sure makes me pissed. The family took me in and that’s as close to you as I’ll get so that makes me happy not sad at all not the least little bit. I love you dad!



ZIPP IT!

Better Late Then Never July 4th!

DOWNTOWN CLEVELAND was sooooooooooo crazy, especially WEST 6. For those of you HOMEBODIES (lol) who do not know what or where west 6 is I will tell you. It’s located downtown Cleveland off St.Clair. The street is filled with clubs, bars and food spots too. It can get pretty crazy. Anyway I went out Thursday- Sunday. I love my Besties!!!!!!!! They are just as wild and crazy as I am and could careless about anybody else not having a good time.


Thursday we went to the FORTRESS real nice place. It use to be the old CLUB SHADOWS. Supposedly it was LEBRON JAMES party, Dj Steph Floss shouted him out a few times but I didn’t see him. That didn’t stop US from partying though! I had a double shot of CIROC and a CORONA. My bestie said I was being a “PUSSY” Lmao (laughing my ass off) Because I definitely added pineapple juice to my shot of CIROC. I couldn’t down it man it was just too strong.

Friday we went to club EARTH. We sooooooooooo had a blast! It was pretty crowded but I still had a great time. I drank 5 CORONA’S and a shot of GREY GOOSE I was good. Me and the bestie got home when the sky turned white CTFU (cracking the fuck up)! WHEN WE KICK IT, WE KICK IT!!!!!! Saturday we hit the strip and went to CLUB SIN. I had some CORONAS; we did a shot of GREY GOOSE, a FOUR LOKO, and a JELLO SHOT. We went HAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM…..HAHAHAHAH!

Last but not least JULY 4, 2010 ended with smashing food and kicking it on the strip again. We cooled outside PANINIS, drank margaritas and ate some pizza. I took my pooder to see the fireworks, we had so much fun! You are never too old to watch and enjoy fireworks. I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday, if you didn’t ME & MY CREW kicked it enough for everybody lol!!!!



Zipp It

Just Random Thoughts!

I feel like EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. People are put in our lives to share a purpose. What I don’t understand is why do these certain people have to hurt us sometimes? How are we suppose to cope with the hurt feelings? How come we can never see the hurt coming? I honestly would like to know. I’m not really sure of everyone’s purpose in my life but I have a good idea about a few of them. I go through so much with people…I mean we all do!! I hate when my eyes are wide open but blind to the obvious. It’s like you see something or know something is bad for you, but you are in denial about it. We sometimes act as if we don’t want to see it. I’m all out of gas, I use to feel IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING but now I'm not so sure. I have lost faith bloggers……UGH SMH (shaking my head).






Zipp It

Love ????

I am so FRUSTRATED!!!!!!! UGH... Love stinks! I went through a bad break up almost an yr ago. I mean it actually broke me down. Luckily after the storm you always find something or someone finds you. That something or someone always build you back up and help’s you take notice that you are better then whatever you are going through...Well at least that's what happened to me. What I don’t understand is WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LET GO? I know love is happiness but it’s sadness too! When the bad out ways the good and we know it, WHY HAVENT WE LEFT YET? WHAT IS HOLDING US BACK? I’m not just referring to women I’m talking about men as well.


I can give you a whole entire list of reason I stayed in an abusive relationship for 2yrs. It wasn’t always like that. Its just so easy to forgive and to keep pushing forward because of the love that you have for that person you are afraid to lose it. After so long the relationship consumes you. It became all that I knew. I mean my ex became apart of my everyday life. When a relationship starts to fall apart it can be very stressful. I took a lot of crap because I was so wrapped up on being in love. After the rough breakup I learned that you should NEVER settle for anything less than your worth.

I saw on face book this guy’s status said something about women need to stop going out of our way to prove to a man your worth, because Mr. Right will already know your self worth!!!! I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, AND LOVE IT. That is extremely true. I just wish women would know that in their heart and just believe it. I know we try but love has some of us wrapped around its little finger.

I have these two great friends jasmine and Taylor. They are the greatest set of friends anyone could ask for. I mean they are gorgeous, smart, ambitious, I mean the list could go on and on. They are the complete definition of an independent woman! I love them to death BUT they are sad victims to this thing called love & a bad relationship. You know what I would like to know? WHY IS IT THAT THINGS ARE EASIER SAID THEN DONE? I swear people can give you some of the best advice but couldn’t follow a lick of it themselves.

Jasmine she has been in this relationship with this guy for maybe a year now. It’s been a lot of on and off again, I love you, I hate you, going on with them. I never really say too much because I support my friends strongly with whatever decision that they make. I just cant stand to see her go through the these things with this guy. She has always been a strong individual. The girl practically kept me sane the last 6mths of my relationship. I swear to the mighty heavens I almost snapped a few times but that’s another story. I’m not really aware of the problems they have but I know INSECURTIY has a major role somewhere.

WHAT MAKES A GUY SO INSECURE? Now I’m not saying that women aren’t insecure because lord knows some of us are just as bad or even worse then the guys. My biggest concern is how love is painful but it shouldn’t kill you! It pains my little heart to see him break her the way that he does. My guess is that love is just as powerful as denial. They are hand and hand I guess.

My friend Taylor on the other hand she deals with the lies and the cheating, other women etc. its just a terrible thing to watch over and over again. I mean both of them deal with ass-holes for a boyfriend but I know my girls. I truly believe they are still with these guys for two main reasons.1: they are madly in love with them and 2: they feel something in their hearts that’s telling them that they can change these men. I strongly believe you can’t change anyone who isn’t willing to change him or herself.

Do I believe they have potential to change these men? YES!!! Nothing is impossible! I love them I just want them to wake up and see what I see. Everyone has a breaking point. WHAT IS YOUR BREAKING POINT? HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS IT? In a relationship it should always be 50/50 no matter what. When dealing with cheaters, insecurities, or whatever situation you have at hand, WE as in everyone shouldn’t be so quick to forgive. We should give them time to learn from the mistake. I’m the type of person who believes strongly in second chances. I think that we are so weak or afraid to be alone. So afraid to lose what we’re use to that we just jump back in there. We just quickly forgive and just try to keep pushing forward. Now I’m nowhere near or would ever call myself a love expert. I just know what I have seen and been through enough shit to know that the key to a happy successful relationship comes from the hearts of both people. So no matter what people say I say keep holding on until you are 1000% certain that you have nothing else to hold on too. Most of the time the relationship is over before you come to finally realize its over.



So tell me what you think! What are a few of your views, comments, experiences, or thoughts about love? Until next time bloggers



ZIPP IT!